Learning to Communi-date

I like to look at things and wonder who the first person was to try that. For instance, have you ever looked at a fruit and thought, wow, I wonder who the first person was to look at that green orb and think, I am going to eat you now. Or who was the first person to say to themselves, I am going to hang this piece of cloth around my neck and call it a tie? And I really want to know what the first shelter looked like. Was it built of mud, sticks, or palm leaves? And who was the genius who built his house on sand for the first time? Cuz ya know, someone did.

Well, regardless, I think we all feel like these “first timers” at some point during our dating. And with the added complexity of texting, Facebooking, and chatting, we all tread on new ground. I’ll go more in depth about that subject on a later date . . . ha ha, get it? Later DATE. Anyways.

I really do enjoy a good conversation. For me, a good conversation equals people that hold a common interest, which then leads into other interests. Have you ever stayed up late talking with a family member or friend and actually stopped and asked yourselves how you began a certain subject? It’s nearly impossible to trackdown how one subject morphed into another. Most likely, it lasted for hours. So, why is it that communication can be so difficult in dating?

Water ebbs and it flows. Guess what, communication does too. Here comes the engineering analogy . . . ya see, if we all went to our water faucet, turned it on, and no water came out, we’d be ticked. In dating, we seem to think communication is similar. If I can’t communicate with someone very well, that automatically means things can’t work out. Now, here’s the amazing part . . . the water that comes out of your faucet only reaches that tiny outlet because it was pumped there. A pump is an apparatus that uses some form of energy to hurtle water to great distances or heights, usually through a pipe. The reason you have water, is because A PUMP is churning and burning away. Off . . . On, Off . . . On, such is the life of a pump.


In a dating atmosphere; a good conversation seems to mean that there needs to be excitement, interest, and affection; however, communication ebbs and flows. The ability to communicate in the way that each of us wants, only comes with time and effort. A conversation “pump” takes time to install, and it takes effort. Did you ever wonder why it took man hundreds of years to figure out how to have constant running water? Expecting excellent communication, especially early on in dating, may be asking a lot. Especially from someone you hardly know, or even someone you’ve known for months. But to improve, I think we can all be patient with each other, seeking to actually get to know someone, and expecting some surprises. And for goodness sake, communicate "in person" as much as possible (Nate snickering about the text he just sent.)

Open To Impressions

This is not what you think! In fact, I titled this entry to completely fake you out!

I am not generally a picky person, unless it has to do with milk selection at the grocery store. Got Milk? Good ole’ home grown dairy! Yum, Yum! If my future wife is reading this blog, she had better understand that she will be drinking milk, and lots of it for the rest of our mortal and post-mortal lives. Anyways, even the best brands of milk can have a very bad taste. A bad batch of milk, to me, has a metallic flavor or an “I’m about to become cottage cheese” taste. If you’ve ever bought one of these gallon bombs you know what I’m talking about. The interesting part of the milk selection process is that every brand of milk has its bad ones, and every brand has its good ones.

To further understand: timing is part of dating, just as timing is a part of getting funky milk or not. I can’t tell you the amount of times that I’ve been impressed by certain milk brands and been disappointed on other occasions. I have often dated someone or been impressed by them and then lost interest for a time, regained that interest, and then lost it again. I often wonder if I am allowing myself to be impressed as often as I should. Am I being open to impressions? I’m not talking about spiritual impressions. I’m talking about my ability to be impressed by someone to the point of seeking “the relationship connection.” I feel like my dating can become a game to see which brand tastes the best.

Second analogy . . . . construction. Driving through the orange gauntlet can be a daring task. There seems to be an endless array of signage and signals. Have you ever paid attention to those signs? Maybe you wouldn’t have hit that barrel the other day, or maybe you would’ve seen the crazy merging patterns at the Beck St. entrance. It is a transportation engineering fact that the clearer the signage, the better the distracted driver reacts. Too bad most of us couldn’t care less. We just want to get there, ya know, where we want to go!

Maybe we should all be more impressed by each other, so that when the sign says to take the entrance, we don’t miss it. We hurtle through life on a suicide course sometimes; only concerned with the final destination. A well designed traffic plan should have multiple alerts. I have to say, I’ve had multiple opportunities to be impressed by girls closest to me. I want to be open to the Lord’s timing; therefore, I will be open to impressions, yes, I will look for the “impressive” in every young single adult lady. Hopefully they will look for the “impressive” in me . . . Yikes! And I hope if I have a bad “metallic” tasting day, a young lady will realize that I have good days and bad days.

Doldrums of Awkwardness

I can’t explain the problems of avid daters. The most common term I hear when two people struggle to connect is “awkward!”

Let me use imagery to explain: it’s the feeling you get when one has been on a boat all day long, tubing at 60 mph, or when a full day was spent riding roller coasters at Lagoon. You return home and lay your head on your plump pillow, only to discover that you cannot sleep. You still feel like you’re on the second loop of the Colossus. These sensations are comparable to awkward feelings.


You’ve been on a date, you like the person or you don’t, that doesn’t matter. You come home, a bit tired, and lay your head on your semi-firm pillow . . . the doldrums begin. You are now vividly aware of every awkward moment. Believe me, in reality you were probably awkward, but now that you’re on your pillow it seems to reverse osmosis back into your head. I would say, “Just sleep it off,” but here’s the worst part . . . the awkward doldrums linger, and here’s the next worse part . . . when you see this person again, you get the awkward aftershocks.

There were girls I wanted to connect with, one’s that I should’ve connected with, that I didn’t because it became awkward. I probably generate the same feelings in them. As the aftershocks continue, I decide I can never develop what I shall call “the relationship connection” with this person.

What I am explaining is when two people date and have awkward moments that prevent them from connecting more. Conversation stops, fun flees, and the drawl begins. Sometimes it happens because one or the other is interested, one of the daters is thinking of someone or something else, there is no interest by one or the other, or the dater becomes embarrassed. In my case, I “awkwardify” myself around people I really like. In fact, wonderful females tend to conjure up the most awkward sensations of my soul.

The doldrums, in actuality, are a sector of the earth known as an inter-tropical convergence zone, or the calm area where hurricanes originate. Due to unpredictable weather patterns, the Doldrums became notorious among sailors because of deadly periods of calm that trapped ships for days or weeks on end as they waited for wind. Let’s see past the doldrums and the awkwardness!


I believe that behind the most awkward of situations is found the most wonderful “island in the sun.” Give awkward dates and people the chance to be confident, and give them as many tries as they need. Be the one to put wind in another person’s sails. Most people will be awkward when they feel uncomfortable, so seek to bring comfort. And stay interested in them, focus on them. Don’t think about yourself and your awkwardness will dissipate too. Don’t let the hurricane form. This hurricane can rip the potential for a good relationship apart.

Rules and Specs . . .

Not long ago I received an email. Many of you probably received the same. It stated that there was a competition, yes, a dating blog competition. I entered said competition . . . "this is not like me I thought, I am an engineer, I have no room, let alone time for something so trivial as expressive word games on a blog." The competition entailed writing two blog entries about LDS dating in Utah. "I've done a lot of that, I thought." So, I entered.


Here are the 5 parameters, and I will refer to them frequently:


1) No entry will be tied to current dating experience. There will be lag time, aka, a grace period in between actual lovin' on dates and word smackin'. So, if you go out with me you will not appear on this blog, at least not until months later, maybe years.


2) I will not offend or criticize people I know or those of the opposite sex. They may receive critiques however, in an "I'm not really talking about this person, but am generalizing my statements to cover the fact that I really am sort of way." Basically, don't assume I'm talking about you. We've all made these mistakes!


3) I will be giving my opinion, so nothing I say is fact.


4) This blog will be positive and constructive. I'm an engineer; I build. I'm not a demolitions expert; I will not destroy.


5) I am in control of the comments, therefore, don't waste your finger power punching up something you know I won't allow to be posted. Please comment however! Thank You.

Let's Get Started!